The way I look at it, we have about 10 minutes from the time we get on the plane to finally be in the air, anything more and you are pushing your limits with any kid under the age of 3. The “minor mechanical issue” proved to take about 20 minutes to fix. I know my immunity to child screaming and tantrums’ is higher than most, especially when it is my kid, so in my opinion “the boy” did just fine, I however don’t believe the SXSW hipster seated directly in front of him in 1st class shared my sentiment, so I will now detail the next section of the flight from her perspective.
Skinny Jeans Hipster Chick (to friend upon arriving in the ATX): You will never guess what an annoying flight I had all the way from the land of Frozen Tundra
ATX friend: hmmmmmmm
Skinny Jeans Hipster Chick: We got on this dump of a plane that was broken and I had to sit next to this old lady that smelled like lutefisk and Premium Grainbelt beer, you would think that 1st class would have a better quality of individual. After I have the stewardess get me my first Cosmo, I look up and see a traveling circus of barf and noise getting on the plane, and wouldn’t you know it, they are seated directly behind me. I promptly ordered another drink. This couple who looks like they haven’t slept since the 90’s is carrying a couple of drool machines and have a blonde ankle biter in tow. I took one look in the kid’s eyes and I knew we were in for a long trip. By the time I had finished my second Cosmo that kid was starting to revved up, and just as we are pulling away from the gate that little S@#$ starts screaming at the top of his lungs. "NO MAMA NO MAMA" like she was boarding the last helicopter out of Vietnam in 1975, and leaving him behind. In reality it appears that she was not letting him use his portable electronic device, and wanted him belted to the seat. Now I am all for airline safety, but TSA should reconsider the electronics rule for takeoff and landing when it comes to kids. I will take my chances with the DVD player bring the plane down, because the alternative could be the berserker rage that was building in me. I didn't pay for 1st class only to have my ears bleed for the entire flight because of some stupid kid. This screaming when on for about 20 minutes. At one point, I look behind me and I see both parents laughing, like this crap is funny. I am pretty sure that nobody thought it was funny especially me. Once the kid finally ran out of air, he finally shut up and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the flight. I did however see him, numerous times, because apparently he was allowed to run back and forth between his seat and all of 1st class. If I ever decide to have my own little hipster baby my kid will never act that way. I will just explain to hipster baby that her behavior isn't "COOL" with me and they will shape right up, because I was perfect as a kid.
ATX Friend: Who are you kidding, you are never going to have kids.
Skinny Jeans Hipster Chick: Ya you are right, because then I wouldn't fit in my skinny jeans.
I am extremely proud of my lovely bride, because when faced with everything each boy can throw at us, she never loses control and takes it all in stride. I am constantly amazed at how Mrs B refuses to let having kids be a reason to not do something.